22q and mental health
Mental health has a part in our story a major part in my own childhood. Bella my own child struggles with her challenges from Adhd to anxiety issues. Bella at a young age sees a psychologist every Tuesday. That is taboo talk with friends and to some extent even family members do not truly understand what it is that Bella experiences having a genetic disorder isn't just something we can't see feel or touch. It is an emotional tool that she carries on her back like a backpack. Weight on her shoulders which when stressed she feels that weight. My husband and I have our own shares of issues when it comes to mental health challenges from our own past. coping skills and pills is what we use to help us cope. A medicated family is a happy family I joke often. There is a strong stigma among others who will look at Bella and she appears physically and most days mentally just like the rest of the other kids in her class. Sure she has her quirks but what kid dosen't?
Bella knows the word coping skills and uses some great tricks and tips she has learned attending sessions with her current psychologist and her past psychologist we had to switch a few from moving to insurance issues to one was just not a good fit for Bella. I think finding the right combo of skills and pills has been what has helped Bella become so successful being mainstream with an Iep for example the one issue Bella struggles with is focus and inattention on top of at the end of the week the kids are just to excited and too loud for her. It's nothing that the kids are doing any different from any other day of the week Bella just becomes overwhelmed with sensory input and seeks to retreat. Bella even has panic attacks over new things but different things like bathroom's and get's frustrated that she can't simply do things like other kids her age. So often she is told from school and professionals what she can't do we do not get to work on the skills of what she can do. That's where we provide positive reinforcement we use ticket time as a reward system and it's been a learning experience for all of us as well as it's been fun to point out the fun things she doing correctly and the rewards she earns just for doing things that kids her age should be doing. I am in aw that my relationship with my daughter is light and fun most days we do have our moments but nothing like when I was growing up. When I feel overwhelmed I cry in the closet and my husband brings me a glass of wine. I have never gone to the extreems my parents have from neglect to abuse is what I endured. I am so thankful. I was able to heal and focus on me all of these years. My own personal growth has helped me become a better person and parent.
Let's be real it could be a lot worst it can always be worst. That's my motto. That's what I endured was wrost. nothing is as bad as when I was growing up I am so frustrated that parents have this stigma of let's not talk about any mental health issues we don't want to label our child we want perfect normal healthy kids. We want to push them to excel in sports, plays and beyond what they are able to keep them focused on the good stuff. Sometimes being to distracted form the mental health issues and avoiding them all together makes the issues worst. Like a ticking time bomb.
Now let's go back 30 something years ago when I was younger perhaps even her age. What was I like? did I too struggle and was just to afraid to make a peep out of fear of what would happen to me if I had? If I dared tanturmed over not getting what I wanted in a grocery store I was publicly embarrassed and yelled at.
Back when I was younger I was not given any of these options or coping skills. When I was younger children were seen and not heard. When I was younger I was abused and tortured for the same issues Bella struggles with and I suffer from ptsd night mares and flashbacks. There was one night we were out my husband and I with Bella and Bella had a meltdown in the grocery store not knowing then it was sensory issues but I had to step back and ask my husband to just handle the rest of the shopping I became panic and overwhelmed myself not really realizing why until I got to the car and had a moment and breakdown of a flood of tears. That's when I wanted to share my big secret with the world I wanted to tell my story.
when I was 30 I wrote a story called one family copes with 22q and I got such good feedback infact so many others were insprired to blog and write too that I am creating a how I healed story yes there is hope in my story no not perfectly recovered but those panic attacks in the parking lots have dimished and I faced my own demons in my own theraphy treament. I even forgave my parents not for them but for myself. I forgave God and my own spirtual journey is what has helped me do the rest of the healing. To fully heal you need a balance of spirit, mind and body and that's what my next book I am working on is all about. It has taken time. A lot of my friends keep asking me when am I going to publish it. To be honest I do not even know if I want to publish my book. It will be a two part series filled with ups and downs. until then I will blog and focus on my other hobbies. I write and edit when I can and I have my friends who are authors, speaks, and agents who all say let me know. While here I am letting you know I am almost finished. phew and on all days National children's mental health day. One thing I have learn is writing is harder then I ever thought. Writing a book is an exhausting struggle but one I am enjoying the learning process and the friends I have met along the way. I want to tank all of my friends who inspire me by all of their stories and ideas who have helped me grow. I appreciate everyone's support on our journey. Writing has been a mental process as well as physical process it has taken all of my time and effort and personal experiences. Writing a book is way different then just brain dumping on a blog. Writing a book requires editing and revising a lot of revising. I found my focus and I am ready to start the publishing processing soon. I am so excited. I would love to have my book published within the next year.
Thank you everyone for helping me prove that there are no limits to how far those of us who have 22q can go.